Art is somehow apolitical in the sense of lack of partisanship or it would be propaganda. I don’t have an agenda, I’m not affiliate to anyone but some things are holding me back to start publishing independently: My current health condition and exhaustion; the lack of monetary incentive so I need to find a job to do it on my spare time; I have some creative decisions to take and my head isn’t in the right place to do it. When I feel well enough I can’t stop coming back to work on some of those directions. I’m not yet satisfied about the last part of my first novel and I can’t properly see it as a whole. I’m pleased to work on my own and have all control of my creation, I have more than enough content for this first novel and already a good basis of what I want to do as a second one. It could take me years to do it, maybe I’ll never be able to do it or I’ll just give up, after all, people will simply use it and adapt it and for me, nothing will change.

I strongly recommend that only artists should aspire to be artists. The lack of restrainment and commitment in being constrained in one person necessary to be an artist is highly dysfunctional and dangerous. What I do or did with my life is my own research and part of exploring what constitutes being a human. I temporarily lost interest in the audiovisual arts. I’m too self aware to perform and I don’t think the struggle to become a director would pay off, it’s too curated and elitist to participate in someone else’s project and too expansive to produce something on my own. I remember once I had to rush a shooting scene and I didn’t got what I want from it, it’s just too many dependent variables to be enjoyable and after knowing a little bit about how the industry works I gave up thinking in video format.

I don’t want to be on podcasts, I’m not interested in appearing on television, internet video or movie. I’m not a musician, actor or comedian and in those industries there are a lot of people whose whole career are based on my life, some even copied whole phrases and used events of my life as part as their own creation, not a single person credited, mentioned or compensated for such acts. I lost respect for a lot of the people who work in the entertainment industry, they are so dependable and yet so ungrateful and until I receive a fair monetary compensation of the unauthorized use of information, some obtained trough criminal practices, I’ll keep uninterested.

I’m mostly exhausted and lost part of my physical and cognitive abilities. I’m getting ready to sacrifice myself if don’t recover enough to later find a job that I can perform alone. Right now it seems like I can’t overcome it but only time and fortune will tell. The people that are important to me who are still alive, I somehow lost to all the negative interferences that I was submitted trough my life and without giving me or them any official feedback made me discreditable. All those group focus technics of submission I mastered while teenager, I’d rather play a fool than submit to idiots. I followed too many of the suggestions of the predictive programming and scams purposely put on my way, it lead me nowhere and it made me increasingly misanthropic, so those efforts are rather annoying than effective and the effective things done lately were breaking in my apartment and dosing my drink while I went to get delivered food, poisoning trough a bandage gauze put on my window and medical negligence. If someone really wants to help me I could use some donations, the PayPal will be available when I become an independent contractor.